Roller Coaster

In more ways than one.

I have continued to progress in physical therapy. My PT has gotten me outside to walk down a couple of declining sidewalks, and while at first I was pretty scared, I did quite well. In the beginning of our sessions we take a walk, and she no longer straps me into a gait belt. We are both pretty confident that even if I lose my balance a bit, I can keep going.

Last week I went to Walking School. This is a session held several times a year, open to anyone with an above or below knee amputation, no matter what stage we are in with our progress. It is led by two amputees-- one above knee and one below.

We divided into two groups based on our level of amputation. The below knee group was larger, and I am sure I was not alone in envying them. Having one's own knee makes it so much easier to walk.

The session lasted about three hours and we did a number of exercises-- some fairly easy for me and others far more difficult. And while some of the exercises were helpful, the message imparted was far more useful. Trust your leg.

Likely that message is easier for me, having had osseointegration. I can feel my leg more than those with a socket. I know when my foot is on the ground, whereas those with a socket don't have the same type of perception.

But perhaps the best thing about the session was being surrounded by people like me. They get it. They have similar struggles. They get how exhausting it is to walk with a prosthesis. And how difficult it can be. Again, not a club anyone wants to belong to, but we know the secret handshake.

The following morning at PT, I went through what we has gone over, and my therapist let me know what exercises she thought would be useful for me to practice at home.

Then, she got me on the treadmill. First she had me walk slowly on it to see if I was using both legs. Results were pretty good. This treadmill is pressure-sensitive, so she could see that I was bearing weight pretty equally.

Then, we did a little exercise that I was dreading. I stood on the still treadmill and she showed me a video of what looked like I was riding a roller coaster-- once holding on and then once not holding on. To my surprise I did quite well keeping my balance.

After PT I headed to the shelter to socialize cats. Right before leaving, I headed down the hall to the bathroom. I am not exactly sure what happened, but my prosthetic knee buckled and I fell. I had the sense of mind to turn my body so I didn't land directly on my knee, but more to the side of my prosthesis.

A couple people came running over, wanting to haul me to my feet. I feared that I might get hurt even worse, so I asked them to bring me a chair. Someone held onto the chair, I got on my knees and stood up the way I had learned in physical therapy.

I had the sense to cancel my pilates session the next day. I was definitely sore. My right hip and abbreviated quad muscles were not very happy on Friday. Resting helped immensely.

This morning, Saturday, I was still a little sore but by this afternoon I felt almost back to normal.

It does seem a bit ironic that after spending a couple days doing lots of walking, my leg let me down. Or more to the point, I let myself down. The prosthesis is a tool, and I did something to cause it to buckle. I will discuss what happened with my therapist when I see her on Monday.

It is likely not the last time I will fall. When I did get myself off the floor after falling I was apprehensive. If/when it happens again I am sure it will scare me a bit.

So much of what I need to do is far more mental than physical. Shit happens and I have got to learn to work through it. Mistakes will be made, but they are my mistakes and I will learn from them and keep going.