Do I or Don’t I?

Word is slowly trickling out among my friends and acquaintances regarding my cancer, and everyone is very supportive. Jerry and I are handling it pretty well, and we plan to keep doing everything we can to enjoy life. I sent out a couple of “here is what is going on” emails, but invariably, I forget someone who should be included. I am in a Facebook group of people with ovarian cancer, and they are encouraging me to “come out” on my page. Their rationale is the more support the better, and cancer is nothing to hide. In theory I agree with that, so why do I feel so strange about making such a post? I don’t think I can put into words why I am so conflicted about this. So, this is where you, my friends and blog followers come in. I would love to hear any arguments, pro or con. Thanks.

Comments

  1. oatmeal girlFebruary 9, 2018 at 9:20 PM

    I really do understand both sides of it. On the one hand, I'm big on being open about my various conditions in hopes that will raise awareness while helping people feel not so alone with what they have. On the other hand...

    Cancer and divorce. One of the worst things (for me anyway) about both cancer and divorce was telling people. The telling - and then dealing with the reactions. I can't remember how I handled telling people about my melanoma. No Facebook back then (1989). Obviously, Margaret told a lot of people for me. Clare probably did, too. Nothing was as bad as telling my parents. I can't remember people's reactions, but as I've said before, back then people were still talking about The Big C. Which was awful. As for divorce, friends and I helped each other by spreading the word for each other.

    Things feel different now. Cancer is much more prevalent. Most of us have either had it or someone close to us have had it. We don't like the news but we're also used to hearing it.

    I think what it comes down to is pinpointing what it is that you are hoping to avoid by not telling? Are there specific things you are worried about hearing? Things you do or don't want friends to do or say? People who know you, who care about you, will want to know - but right now most of all it needs to be about you. Also about Jerry. Will it help him for more people to know? Is it stressful for him - and/or for you - to keep the secret and to keep straight who knows and who doesn't?

    So I'm for telling - or for having someone else tell on your behalf. You're a good writer, though, and I think that the tone of your announcement will give people guidance as to how to treat you.

    Good luck sorting it out.

    With love,
    Judy

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