Cabernet and Carboplatin

Are over. I got the results of yesterday’s scan, and once again, it was beautiful. Fluids have actually diminished a bit and any lumps and bumps seen in the past have not changed. I am fine. Because I am in a clinical trial, I get a scan every 12 weeks, and I feel so fortunate. I see a doctor or nurse every two weeks for a check up as well as a meetup with my clinical trial nurse. The downside to this is that cancer is never far from my consciousness but I do believe the vigilance far outweighs anything else. In fact, if I didn’t have this close monitoring I may be worrying and thinking about it more. I think that’s the way with ovarian cancer, in particular. It’s unfortunately the rare woman who doesn’t have a recurrence. It’s more when than if. Though my hope is that the immunotherapy trial I am on will at the very least keep it at bay for a while, or maybe forever. As usual, I took a nap when I got home from my infusion. The Benadryl really knocks me out, and I’m thankful no more

Someone forwarded a little Facebook fill in the blank last night, and one question was, have you almost died. Well, yeah. Not cancer, but becoming septic from no immune system and a bladder infection that moved to my blood. So yeah, I almost died. That was in April. But regular chemo ended in June and the immunotherapy I am on now seems to not screw with me too much. My bowels have a mind of their own (TMI?) but other than that life is as close to normal as I can expect, as I live with neuropathy and balance issues. I have a scan next Monday and right now I feel like all will be well. So tomorrow, on Thanksgiving, I can give thanks for chemo working, having an amazing surgeon who got rid of most, if not all, of my cancer pre-chemo, and a fantastic team at Hopkins who take care of me. On Thanksgiving tomorrow I can be thankful that I knew Bethany and Kaity, who left us way way too soon last month. They were half my age and it so sucks that cancer took them away. I think of Jarrod, Bet

For a while I was staying home way too much and was pretty depressed about it. And it was like pulling teeth to get me to go anywhere, particularly by myself. I was feeling worthless and was dwelling on myself. But then a couple of things happened. One, I went to a couple of sessions of counseling. I know I only went twice, but it made a difference. I probably should keep going, but to be honest, I don't really want to dwell on what was making me feel bad to work on it. Perhaps I'm being lazy, but I'm also feeling good. I've been through too much shit lately to "work" on myself. I think I want to just take these few tools and drag them out when I need them. The most important one was to recognize negative thinking, deal with it, and move on. And it has been what I've been doing. It has given me energy, and I'm doing more, even by myelf. I have a friend in a very similar place and we get together and remind each other that we are pretty great, and it i