Death, and Life After Chemo

Yesterday was the funeral for my best friend’s mother. Before dementia set in, Judy was a force of nature. Smart, elegant, powerful. When I met her she lived in downtown Baltimore in a beautiful townhouse filled with art and a big comfortable kitchen. My friend Arna and her daughter Mara lived with Judy for a while, and that was when I spent the most time there. At the time Judy was manager for a well-known law firm in Baltimore where her skills and demeanor were highly respected. But the last few years has been difficult. Initially it was her short-term memory. She did a pretty good job of masking her symptoms, but eventually it was clear she could not live on her own. Her three children helped her move so she could get the care she needed, though she was none too pleased with not being surrounded by her art and objects she loved. Unfortunately, as her dementia became more severe, she did not remember much of that life, though thank goodness she still knew her children. Judy would have loved her funeral. The service was held in the sanctuary of the synagogue that she had devoted so much time and love to, and the turnout was impressive. This woman touched many lives. The rabbi who led the service was wonderful, and Judy’s son Ian, granddaughter Mara and her brother gave touching and meaningful remarks. The service at the cemetery was incredibly moving. It brought back memories of shoveling dirt onto my own mother’s casket. So difficult, but so important for closure. After the cemetery we went back to Arna’s brother and sister-in-law’s house. Arna’s daughter had brought her youngest child from Israel— four-month-old Azarya, and I had the pleasure of holding him. A beautiful, happy baby. While the day was incredibly powerful and important, it was long. It was the day after my last chemo, and as usual, I didn’t sleep much because of all the steroids. By the time we got home I was exhausted. I slept incredibly well. My plan for today was to go to Costco and Trader Joe’s. Being so sick last week I did no grocery shopping and we were out of everything, or everything by my standards. No hummus. No blueberries. No Greek yogurt. So shopping I went. Holy crap did it knock the wind out of me! Between Costco and Trader Joe’s I really had to take a break, and when I got home perishables went in the fridge, but the rest of it can wait. I absolutely know I will get stronger and life will get easier, but I did have a wake up call today! I have been through a lot! I tend to forget that because I feel pretty good and everybody keeps telling me how good I look. When Jerry gets home we are going to make one more run to the local supermarket and I will go, but I have a feeling tonight will be another night of sleeping well.