I was the Only One in Exercise Class

With no hair. And probably the only person who came close to bursting into tears partway through. I took a class today at Hopewell, a center for people with cancer. Everything is free and they rely on donations. Today’s class was for building strength. It was fucking hard. Even the parts where I did the exercises sitting, instead of standing, were fucking hard. Did I resent the people prancing around with their heavier weights and Lycra? Maybe. I guess mostly I thought what the hell were they doing there, but I suppose they have just as much of a right to be there as me. I stood when I could stand. I sat when I couldn’t, and I stopped when I had to. And yes, it left me pissed off and maybe a little, or a lot, disheartened. Am I the same person who used to bike 100 miles? Who could climb stairs without getting winded? Who could stand up and not immediately need to sit down from dizziness? Fuck this. Fuck cancer. Yes, I’m pissed. But I will go back to the class, and perhaps another class as well. And I will get stronger and beat this fucker.

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