Ring That Bell!

Actually, Hopkins doesn’t have a bell to ring on the last chemo, but my heart was singing! I just came home from having my last Taxol. Last week was the hideous Carboplatin, but this week should be a walk in the park. I’m jacked up on steroids and I have a Neulasta patch on my stomach which will inject me with white count boosting voodoo tomorrow. My clinical trial nurse said the 18 weeks of chemo would go fast, and she was right. There were some ups and downs along the way including a couple of infections and a five-day hospital stay, but negative is fading far more quickly than the positive. Positives? What in the world could be positive about ovarian cancer, 18 weeks of chemo and two years worth of immunotherapy drugs every other week. Guess what. Plenty. While no person in his or her right mind would choose such a thing, I have learned, and continue to learn, so much from this experience. I knew this already, but the experience solidified my belief that I am married to one of the best people anyone could hope for. He is my Sherpa, my pillar that steadies me when I am literally too dizzy to stand, my voice of reason. My advocate and my ally. Yeah, I kinda knew all this but seeing it in action every day strengthens everything I feel. And my friends. Emails. Phone calls. Text messages. Soup. And the good thoughts I feel emanating from them. some occasionally, some rarely. But I know I am in their hearts. I feel fortunate for more than one reason I am in a clinical trial. If today had been the “end” I think I would feel pretty frightened. True, in any case I would still get a scan in a couple of weeks, but having bloodwork and an infusion every two weeeks makes me feel cared for. Recurrence is almost a given with ovarian cancer and knowing I will be monitored closely gives me great assurance. Not the least part has been my attitude and optimism. I truly believe I will beat this. And through treatment, I have continued to lead the best life I can. I go to movies and plays. I eat great food. I drink fabulous wine. I hang out with friends. Soon I will be able to go back to the animal shelter and do the glamorous work of cleaning cat cages and changing litter boxes. For now I have just had to settle for cuddles for the four fur balls I live with, and Jerry has done all the litter box cleaning. When I’m up to it I cook and bake. When I’m not in nap and lie around. I see less napping in my future. And perhaps more travel. And maybe some cycling on our tandem. I know I am looking perhaps a ways down the road, but what is life but a series of things to look forward to. And I look forward to all of it.