Pins and Needles

My insides are channeling Martha Graham. Everything is dancing. But not in a good way. I get my after chemo scan today and while I’m pretty sure I will have good results— my midpoint scan was fine— I’m still nervous. I head out soon to go drink a giant cup of something that makes me want to puke so they can see if anything suspicious is growing inside me. And my mind is already going to the NEXT scan, when I will be further removed from chemo which will give the bad stuff more time to grow. It is truly a never ending cycle. Recurrence rates are so high with ovarian cancer that it is hard not to think down the road. But I try. And I don’t want to just live in the now because I want to plan for the future, which involves travel and fun. I feel myself getting a little stronger every day. I’m making it up the steps a little more easily and the hills in my neighborhood are not quite as daunting. All great progress. And speaking of progress and pins and needles. The neuropathy in my feet seems to be improving. My friend Margaret got me some B1 vitamins that seem to be helping, and my friend Tim’s father gave me some frankincense oil that I’m rubbing on my toes and soles. Not sure if that is helping but I’m a big fan of the placebo effect, so I will keep using it. So soon, I will leave to get my blood work in preparation for tomorrow’s first round of my every other week maintenance infusion of avelumab, and then the CT scan. Then off to Trader Joe’s to find something to make for dinner. Tomorrow morning at 7:30 I see my gynecological oncologist. He has been optimistic all along. Let’s hope I hear good news tomorrow morning. Big sigh...

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