Is it Chemo Brain? Or ...

Yesterday was a day where I couldn’t remember anything. Headed off to the shelter in the morning forgetting my cell phone and the cookies I baked for a BARCS fundraiser. So made a second trip to the shelter to deliver the cookies, so no big deal. BUT... I was looking to going to my support group last night. I even talked about it at the shelter. I did some grocery shopping, came home. And I forgot to go. Today I am beating myself up about it. I was so looking forward to it. I love those women, I wanted to hear how they were doing because several have had recurrences and would have had news about treatment. And I forgot to go. Suddenly this morning I had realized I had missed it and I’m hoping writing about it will make me feel less unsettled. There are days when I really wonder where my brain is. Today is one of those days. But more important, at least to me, is I missed an opportunity to be with this great group of women. I have so much to learn from them. In comparison, I feel like a babe in the woods. They have gone through so much and I marvel at how they cope. And of course I realize beating myself up about it won’t change anything. So I guess the next step is being more present, and writing things in my calendar! I’ve already put the next group in, and will set notifications. Yes, there are times when I feel like I’m losing my mind. I see a new primary care doc next week and I will talk to him about this. He has a special interest in cancer survivorship, so I believe he will either reassure me or order tests. Either way, I will be getting help. This has not been my best week, so it’s time for me to examine what it is I’m doing to forget things, get dates wrong, and be a little un-mindful, in general. Beating myself accomplishes nothing, so let’s see what kind of positive steps I can take to move forward. Okay, here we go!

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