Learning Not to Settle

I had my first post chemo physical therapy this week. I was initially scheduled with a woman in the cancer building but she is out on extended sick leave so I was switched to someone in the main hospital. I figured that would be fine. This is not my first go at physical therapy. I always joked that I was incredibly healthy, but structurally unsound. Constant sprained ankles as a kid, a bad back, and eight knee surgeries culminating in two replacements. Well, now I'm not so incredibly healthy, so I wanted help to get there. I talked to my oncologist about physical therapy and he thought it was a great idea. We could work on getting back my strength and lessening my neuropathy. So I went in and met my new therapist and he asked me about my goals. I told him I wanted to get stronger,improve my balance,be able to bicycle again and dance. I told him about the neuropathy and he told me he didn't think there was much, if anything, he could do. He then did some testing. Pushing and pulling on his hands, trying to keep him from pressing my knee down, the usual drill. He clocked how far I could walk in six minutes. I had good results all around. For someone my age I was doing well, but that, of course, was not good enough for me. He then gave me some exercises to do. We did them and he told me to do them at home. When we were done I went out to the front desk to schedule more sessions; one a week for the next few weeks. There were no openings the following week so I scheduled further out. I left feeling not particularly happy that there was nothing to do about the neuropathy but felt okay about getting stronger. But as days have gone by I feel less happy about the whole experience. I know PT is not magic, but I cannot believe there is nothing they can do for my neuropathy. So as usual, I went to Google. I found some exercises and there appears to be some modalities that can be used. Today I went back to the Hopkins website, and there is more than one therapist who works with cancer patients. I want one of those. On Monday I see my new primary care doc. He specializes in cancer survivorship and I will talk to him about my issues. I will also call PT back, cancel my appointments and make new ones with a more appropriate therapist. This experience reminded me of my bladder infection that got out of hand. A couple weeks into chemo I felt like I was getting a bladder infection. It was blown off and blamed on the chemo. Within a few days it spread to my blood and I was in the hospital for five days with a raging fever on IV antibiotics. I was as sick as I can ever remember being. The next time I complained that I thought I was getting cystitis I was sent to the bathroom with a plastic cup in record time. I am an assertive, intelligent woman, so what keeps me from opening my mouth when I need to? I am not at a point in my life where I am going to go lie on an analyst's couch to figure out why I do what I do. So maybe it might take me a little longer to stand up for myself, but at least I'm getting there. I didn't need to be dramatic and storm out of PT, though I actually know better exercises to strengthen my quads, and hey, how about something for my arms. They need help too. I may have to wait a bit for an appointment, but it will be worth it to get what I need.