Attitude is Everything

Yesterday I got a call which should have scared the bejeezus out of me. It was from Johns Hopkins Imagining telling me that my latest mammogram was “abnormal” and I needed to come in.

Nothing like having a call like this the day before going out of town for three weeks. So I called and told them I needed an appointment for today, as early as possible, because I was going on vacation late afternoon. They said they could get me in at 10:40 am.

Okay. That left me the rest of yesterday to figure stuff out in the event that something, that is cancer, was found. The first thing I did was reach out to my oncologist and asked her if something was found could the next step wait until I got back from the trip, she said yes, and since I trust her I knew I would go with that.

So I got back to packing. Jerry was quite shaken, so we walked down the street to a neighborhood bar and grill for a glass of wine. We talked and it helped me understand why he was so upset. He really believed he was going to lose me last spring when I was in the hospital sicker than I had ever been. I did my best to reassure him that whatever this was, we could handle it.

I slept really well and didn’t start to feel nervous until we were on our way to my appointment. There I waited, got another 3-D mammogram and waited some more. They then took me in for an ultrasound after which the tech told me a radiologist would be in to speak to me. I asked them to bring Jerry in, and honestly, I was expecting bad news. Why else would thy bring in the radiologist? Nonetheless I was calm and figured I could handle it.

The radiologist came in, introduced herself and then said the magic words: you’re fine. We were incredibly relieved of the huge weight of the unknown that had been pressing on us.

It is lovely to know I can go on this dream trip knowing I am absolutely fine. But is also lovely to know that whatever the outcome of today’s tests were, I was taking control and I was going to do what felt right for me.

It may sound cliche, but illness really is an amazing educator. I have learned so much about myself, about life, and going for what I want. I am thrilled by today’s news, but I am also happy to realize I can handle just about anything thrown at me.

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