Life Turned on its Head
As someone, for the last two years, who has been keenly aware of my immune system, it has been interesting to see the rest of the world stocking up on wipes and hand sanitizers. No worries here. We have a good supply on hand. Not that I have needed it much since I have mostly been in the house, sitting on the couch, listening to endless news reports.
There have been some positives in all of this— dolphins swimming in the Venice canals, air quality getting better. But the negatives are taking a toll on my psyche.
Business, especially restaurant workers, who have become friends just by me being their customer, are suffering. And I worry about them. A lot. I am doing what I can do— getting takeout and buying gift cards, but I am not sure it will be enough. After this is over some will cease to exist and that makes me very sad. The restaurant owners in Baltimore are doing some amazing things— they are working together to keep their employees fed and are doing what they can to support each other and the community at large.
On a personal note, I feel myself reverting to those days before I took better control of my life. Some of it could not be helped. During chemo and shortly thereafter my energy level was in the toilet, and my weakened immune system kept me away from the animal shelter. Now, it is the corona virus that has kept me away from the shelter, halted my exercise classes and cancelled my support group.
So what am I doing about it? Not much. I have networked to get animals out of the shelter and have offered to take in a foster. But have I gotten on my bike on the wind trainer? Nope. Have I looked up YouTube exercise videos and joined in? Nope.
This blog, while serving a purpose of having people keep up with my cancer “journey” (I know there are people who hate that I call it a journey. If you have a better idea for what to call,it, let me know.)it has also served as a way of me reflecting on what I am doing with my life and how I can make changes.
My hope is, by writing this out I can look at it and say, damn Carol, get off your ass and move! Get on the bike, look up those Pilates videos.
At least then I will have earned the right to eat the baguettes I have stressed baked.
Carol - I too have referred to my surgery and subsequent rounds of chemo as my "journey". I find it the perfect word, for does not a journey oftentimes involve taking leaps of faith, hoping the next door we open leads to something better? Without faith in ourselves, we could not get through the surgeries, the rounds of chemo and, for many of us, the physical and other therapies to remedy the crippling effects of chemo. While I have always considered myself a compassionate person (I have been in animal rescue for years), my cancer journey has made me even more compassionate toward my fellow woman and man. And like you, my heart hurts for all those on the frontline of fighting the coronavirus and those whose jobs have disappeared overnight. But during these anxiety-provoking times, we need to be kinder to ourselves. So, not to worry. You're Pilates videos are not going anywhere nor is your bike. Eat your home-baked baguettes!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you! My secret weapon is that I can go out in nature and do a walk/hike and not see a soul. With the first days of spring, the mountains are beckoning. Still too much snow to go far, but it feels so good to fill my lungs and move my legs. I am also in animal rescue and fortunately the community has stepped up to help us (almost) clear the shelter. Our vibrant local restaurant scene is taking hit, but much of it is due to our local univ. going virtual and most of the students staying home after break. they are doing much the same as all the others.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up! These times are rough on everyone. When I've been slack for whatever reason I try to start with a short walk or yoga session. So my advice is just start! Hugs!!