Pushing Boundaries

Despite Covid cases continuing to grow, more and more places are opening up. Some of it makes sense; some of it not so much.

Now that mask wearing in Baltimore is mandated at all retail operations, more places are opening. And I am slowly getting comfortable with the idea of going into a store.

I have a friend with a small shop in Hampden, and I decided this would be my first, and maybe only, foray into retail.

Milagro is a tiny boutique shop that stocks fair trade clothing, jewelry and accessories, as well as jewelry, and now masks, made by its owner. There was one other shopper in the store when I arrived, so I decided if I kept my distance, it would be okay. I got to have a good long chat with my friend, and I left with a summer dress. All good.

I made an even bigger decision to return to my one-on-one Pilates, with the blessing of my oncologist. My instructor and I wear masks and maintain a distance. At one point there was another student and instructor in the studio, but the place is big enough that we were far far apart.

My instructor, in the past, has had me do some exercises standing on the reformer, and because of my balance issues, she has helped me on and off. Not this time. I warily got myself up on the reformer, one foot on the stationary end beam, the other on the bed that slides back and forth.

Talk about pushing boundaries. Just writing about it now has got my heart racing. I really cannot say if it was the movements or my fear that made this so difficult. There is no question I have balance issues and chronic dizziness, almost every time I stand up. But it really is hard to say how much of what I was feeling was just plain fear. We did the exercises on one side, but I did not want to get off, turn around, and climb back on to work the other leg.

My teacher apologized but I told her she really had nothing to apologize for. I made the decision to try. And I’m glad I did. I know at my next session I should try again, though in all honesty I am not sure I will. But maybe somewhere down the road.

I am glad I have gone back to Pilates, and am happy for friends who own small businesses. We are learning different ways to do things. We wear masks. Shops let only a few people at a time in.

But in reality it’s not all working that way. Jerry and I drove to the Farmer’s Market around 9:00 am because I really wanted homegrown cherries, tomatoes and corn. We drove by and the place was packed. Yes, people were wearing masks, but there was no way I would put myself in an obviously risky situation.

Restaurants have opened as well; some with just outdoor dining and others with a limited number of tables inside. I am not ready for either. And it is likely until we have a vaccine I won’t be. I do have plans to meet a friend at a restaurant with a large outside patio, but if the tables are not widely spaced I won’t be seated.

I know we all have pandemic fatigue. We want to get up tomorrow and have our lives back to normal. Oh, how many times during chemo did I say just that? Looking back at those six months, I thought they would never end. But they did.

I have to remind myself of that when I think, oh, I want to eat out at a restaurant, or go to a spa! Eventually, things will change. It is, of course, being held up by people who refuse to believe the science or feel invincible. I don’t wish any of them I’ll, but I wish there was some way they could be convinced that their actions are only prolonging this for everyone. But with no real leadership, I don’t see that happening anytime soon, or ever.