My shoulders were hurting pretty badly, so I decided to go up to the bedroom, apply some heat, and then exercise. Lying there with the heating pad allowed my brain to wander into the world of what ifs.
What if I had only hurt my arms, and not my leg-- I'd be mobile and so much more capable. what if I had just lost my leg? I could support weight on my arms and be more independent. This went on throughout my abbreviated exercise period and by the time I was finished I was as low as I had been since I returned home.
I lay there for a while but decided the best thing to do was to call Jerry to get me back to the living room. Once settled on the sofa, we talked about my depression. I realize someone in my situation could be depressed a whole lot more than I am, and I had to face it that it kinda comes with the territory. I had some lunch and felt a bit better.
The evening was far more joyful. My cousin Jeremy and his wife Jen came over to put a dent in our supply of felafel. They brought the best tabouli I'd had in a long time, pastry, and a really fun fizzy red wine from Mendocino. And lots of laughter, great conversation. I love those two. Time flew and I stayed up later than I had in forever. I slept great with dreams of competitive running.
Saturday was a day of firsts. Jerry and I went to the farmers market. He wheeled me around the stalls and it was wonderful to get out on a beautiful day.
That evening our neighbors came over with dinner, and again, company proved to be some of the best medicine for me. Even talking about what happened was not upsetting, but perhaps actually aids in the healing process.
No appointmemts today, so once again,I'm in the bedroom heating up my shoulder for exercise, but I'm in a much better headspace, so this session will not come with a side of what ifs.
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