Lost and Found

The first two weeks of my stay at Kings College Hospital were not a blur; to me, they didnt exist. Doctors, nurses,techs, were in my room, wheeling me to the OR, taking my vitals. They worked for two days trying to save my leg. I don't remember one minute.

All the while, Jerry was observing, asking questions, and trying to stay optimistic. He moved all of our belongings form our Airbnb to a closer b and b the hospital had found for him. It was at the home of a woman who regularly had residents from the hospital living with her. A safe, calm space for Jerry.

After a month at King's College and around five days at Hopkins I finally got to come home. My left pinky and the finger next to it were bound together and would remain so for some time. But when they were finally freed I wanted to wear my wedding ring, which Jerry has carefully packed away.

But when he went to look for it, it had disappeared. Had it been stolen at the b and b? Unlikely. Had it somehow gotten lost when Jerry moved residences? Again, unlikely, but where could it be?

I tried to put it out of my head and decided that sometime down the road we would get ourselves new rings. Jerry stopped wearing his.

And then yesterday, Jerry was going through piles of papers, separating into recycling and filing. And there, right in the middle or the pile, was the sealed plastic bag with my wedding ring.

I had no idea how much this weighed on Jerry-- how important this was to him. He KNEW he had been careful with it. He knew he had not lost it.

I can hardly imagine what that month in London was like for Jerry,especially those first two weeks. That he even had the presence of mind to remove my wedding ring and put it somewhere safe is beyond me. And how painful it was for him to think he had lost it.

The whole incident with the ring is somehow emblematic of our whole experience. We have been lost for some time. But slowly, we are finding ourselves.

My physical therapist has given me permission to move around the house with the walker on my own. This might not sound like much, but to me, this is huge. For Jerry as well.

My skills are getting better. My balance is getting better. My confidence is getting better. I can't go very far without tiring or having my arms hurt, but I will get stronger.

Along with my ring, I have found something I wasnt sure I would ever get back. My independence. You have no idea how wonderful it feels walking to the kitchen on my own, climbing on a high stool and chopping vegetables. Hell, even going to the bathroom without an audience.

Jerry and I cried when he found the ring, and right now I am welling up thinking about how far I have come. It is slow, which at times is frustrating. But as a friend wrote the other day, I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, or even who I was in the past. Progress for me, is doing as much or more than I did yesterday. As long ad I remember that, I will keep moving forward.