I’ve Got to Admit it’s Getting Better

It can't get much worse... Actually it could. I could be dead, and I remind myself of that often. And lately the thoughts of wishing I hadn't made it have diminished.

And that's because I AM getting better. Stronger. More confident. More independent.

Taking a break from occupational therapy has not helped my arm, so I'm glad I'm going back next week. My primary care doctor gave me a very low dose prescription of gabapentin to take at night to help with phantom limb pain, and in addition, it is helping me sleep. Being rested does help make the world a little brighter.

Tonight, New Year's Eve, we are having a few friends over for middle-eastern takeout. We finally got me a rolling chair for the kitchen, so I will bake a cake with minimal help.

And we will drink good wine and look forward to the worst year of my life being over.

I've never been one for New Year's resolutions, but I do resolve to walk in 2023. It might be with a walker or crutches, but I will walk. The wound on my leg is still not completely healed, but as soon as it is I will get a trainer prosthesis and I will rock it. I have been working on my balance so I could not be more ready.

I also resolve to drive in 2023. There are classes for left leg driving, snd I will take them. And as soon as I can drive I will get back to the shelter to socialize cats and to make enrichment treats for the dogs.

Last night we went to a gathering of Barcs volunteers and there are few people in the world who make me as happy. They are dedicated, tenacious, and will do everything it takes to save a life. I love these people and I miss them, but I will get back there.

I am seeing a sports medicine doctor next week to talk about my arm pain with the hopes that a cortisone shot might make it more bearable. If he doesn't think that's an option I will discuss with him what he thinks might help. Massage? Medical marijuana? I've seen him before and he usually has good ideas.

Interestingly enough, this holiday season has not been nearly as depressing as past years. I don't know-- maybe my expectations are low. But I think in reality I am finally feeling genuine hope that life will get better. I was incredibly optimistic not long after the accident, but then I sunk pretty low. But with the progress I am seeing and support from friends, family, and a good therapist, I truly believe I am reclaiming my life. And I plan on it being as good or better than the life I left behind.

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