Dramatic Reading

I had an MRI of my shoulder Saturday. It was scheduled for 4 pm and I finally got led to the back around 5. I was then told that because of all the hardware in my arm the MRI would take an hour, as opposed to the 20 minutes a normal MRI takes. Not feeling I really had a choice in the matter,I agreed to proceed.

Holding my arm at a 90 degree angle for an hour was excruciating. In reality, holding my arm in one position for an hour would be excruciating, no matter how I had to hold it. I can't count the number of times my arm pain wakes me up at night, but I get to move it and go back to sleep. But I knew if I moved it, even a little, I could ruin the MRI findings, and I needed to know what was going on. So I periodically held my breath, made lists in my head, trying anything to distract myself from the pain. Finally, it was over. I could move, get dressed, and wait anxiously for results.

On Tuesday, they finally came. This is what they said: Supraspinatus tendinosis with high-grade partial-thickness tear at the critical zone and footprint including a small full-thickness perforation of its distal fibers.

I understood the word tear. But otherwise was not totally sure what it all meant. So I knew I needed to find a shoulder orthopedist. I already had an arm orthopedist and a pinky orthopedist. Why not one more.

The shoulder guys my arm guy recommended did not have appointments available until late May, and no way I was waiting until then. One of the shoulder guys-- yes, they were all male-- had an appointment that very afternoon, so I grabbed it.

I was first seen by a resident, who asked all the usual questions and had me do a few gymnastics and push-pull with my right arm. He quickly mentioned surgery and thought I should have it done sooner than later, but he would be sending in the surgeon.

Dr. B came in a few minutes later, proceeded to repeat all the pushing and pulling of my arm, and said yes, surgery would likely give me some relief, but he wasn't sure if some of my pain was the result of the plate and screws in my arm.

What I had wanted to hear, of course, was that he could fix everything and I would be pain free and moving my arm beautifully again. No such luck. He also said I would have to be in a sling for six weeks with no use of my right arm. He was quick to note that that meant no propelling myself around in my wheelchair.

I already feel as if my world is incredibly small. With this surgery it was about to get smaller. But honestly, what choice do I have. I can't live with the amount of pain I am in, so even if it reduces it by half, I might be able to actually get a decent night's sleep and function better during the day.

So today I wait for his office to call to schedule the surgery. In reality I don't have anything else to do, so I wait for the phone to ring.

Welcome to my (very small) world.