London Calling

and I'm not answering.

As you may well imagine, I will never be going to London again. But the odd thing is, most of the television programs I watch are British procedurals.

After dinner, Jerry and I head to the TV room, armed with La Croix fizzy water and Skinnypop, to watch an episode of whatever we are streaming at the time. And that is generally a police or MI5 procedural based in London.

It might seem odd since it is somewhere I now have an allergy too, but mostly, it's fine.

Except the other night. We were watching Slow Horses, and there was an extended shot of a London double-decker bus. Mind you, I have no recollection of being hit by one, but somewhere-- imgination, subconscious or deep in my memory before the trauma team sedated me, I see that bus. and me. on the ground. And I get unbelievably upset, and I experience a resurgence of deep-buried PTSD.

Some of it may be related to my current physical self. While I am mostly out of the wheelchair, my physical therapist has recommend I do very little walking until most of the pain subsides. And I admit my pain level is pretty high, which is so unusual for me. I went through two knee replacements without opiods. Nothing after my osseointegration surgery.

But this last surgery has been different. Even weeks later it hurts more than I thought it would, and it is keeping me from being as mobile as I would like.

That being said, I am back at the animal shelter. I'm using a walker, and cuddling kitties does distract me from my pain.

In addition, I am ready to start driving again. I can get the folded-up walker in and out of the car, so I can take myself to places where there won't be much walking. so no shopping in Hampden or going to a restaurant without parking. But I can take myself to the shelter and physical therapy. A start.

No matter the temptation to do more, I am going to try to behave myself. I am no stranger to doing stupid things, not the least of which is getting hit by a double decker bus.

But what's done is done, and all I can do is try to do better.

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