Cabernet and Carboplatin

Someone I know just died of ovarian cancer. She was a couple years younger than me, and I hadn’t seen her in a few years. But of course, it hit me hard. Debbie (I think I can use her name, because my friends know who I’m talking about) was part of a group of women who, in my head, but never out loud, I referred to as “the mean girls.” One year for some reason, I was assigned to bunk with them at folk dance camp; it was not fun. But Debbie was always nice to me. She was a fantastic dancer, and would grab my hand to drag me through Western Swing, though I was hopeless at it. The only reason I know she died of ovarian cancer is because donations have been requested to Hopkins and my oncologist. While in some cases ignorance is bliss, I’m glad to know because I would have suspected it anyway. I have a feeling I would suspect it of any woman I know who dies, unless she was hit by a car or drowned. I mourn for her family and her numerous friends. They will miss her terribly. But in reali...

I was accepting my immunotherapy trial being cancelled pretty well. Then I got a cold. Immediately, my mind went to a dark place. My immune system is no longer kicking ass. I recalled when Jerry got a cold and I didn’t get one. So of course, getting a cold means my immune system will no longer kill cancer cells and I will have a recurrence. And most of me knows this is nuts. I got a cold. I took zinc lozenges and my cold is pretty mild. Or maybe it’s mild because my immune system is still reaping the benefits of my year of immunotherapy. But it is so easy to sink into negative thinking. Especially when I wasn’t feeling great. But today is a new day. I’m making black bean soup, and later Jerry and I will go do something exciting like go to Trader Joe’s. It’s too cold, at least for me, to take a walk outside, so we will take a walk inside a store. My neuropathy does not seem to be improving but I guess I’m learning to live with it. I’m working on my balance and would like to try to ...

I am working on putting a positive spin on the ending of my clinical trial. I met with my oncologist today, and we discussed what will happen moving forward. I will see her every 12 weeks and have a CA-125 every six weeks. I am now much more familiar with what symptoms to look for, so I can see her sooner if I feel like something is amiss. And I think I’m okay with this. I got the immunotherapy drug for almost a year, so if, indeed, it was helping me, the effects will carry forward. And I will now have a much more flexible schedule. No bloodwork every other Monday and infusion every other Tuesday. While I won’t stop looking over my shoulder, I do feel I am at peace with this decision. While CA-125 is not a good indicator for everyone, it is for me, so having that checked frequently will give me peace of mind. In addition, my physician is going to test my tumor for mutations, so if I do have a recurrence, we will be more prepared with an appropriate treatment. On the way home from ...