Trauma Revisited

A friend told me about a series on Netflix about the four specialized Trauma Units in London, one of which is at King's College Hospital, where I was treated. She wasn't sure if I should watch it, so of course, I did.

As I watched there was a little bit of triggering, a tad of envy, and a lot of understanding.

The surgeons at these centers are nothing short of amazing. And just like my experience, they all introduced themselves to their patients using their first names. Talk about de-deification! One human,speaking to another, assuring them that they would do everything they could to help that person return to as close to a normal life as possible.

Just like me, many of the patients in the series had brain injuries. For me, those patients produced the most PTSD in me. It is hard for me not to wonder what kind of longterm effect my brain bleeds had. My memory is not what it used to be, and at times I struggle to come up with a word. But I'm old, have had more anesthesia than anyone should have, as well as suffering a bike crash or two. So yeah, I know I'm lucky if that is the extent of what those brain bleeds left me, but maybe they actually had no effect. Who knows.

I watched one case with great interest. A young man had a motorcycle crash, and his foot and ankle were badly damaged. Those surgeons worked so hard to get blood flow back in his foot. They performed painstaking microsurgery on the veins and arteries. Then they waited. And just like me, they could not restore blood flow, and they amputated his leg above his ankle but well below his knee.

That's where the envy came in. Oh, to have a knee on my right leg! The things he could do literally weeks after his surgery. Things I will never again be able to do. My leg was broken above my knee, and the surgeons were absolute miracle workers who saved as much of my leg as they could. But yeah, I am a bit envious of below the knee amputees.

A friend of Jerry's who is a physician told him I was at one of the top trauma centers in the world. I don't doubt that. So while the series had its moments of difficulty and envy for me, mostly what I felt was gratefulness. While I can't do everything I could do before my accident, I have accomplished so much. Every day I get stronger, I walk further, my balance gets better, and I even amaze myself at how far I have come, and I know I'm not done.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The (maybe not so) Long Goodbye

I found Sophie 11 or 12 years ago when she was part of a community cat colony near my old condo in Baltimore. We were still living in California. Long story short, she was definitely not feral and likely had not been outside long. My friend Bart took her. A couple of years after we moved to Baltimore Bart's circumstances changed and Sophie came to live with us. Despite being well into her teens, up until a couple days ago Sophie romped like a cat less than half her age. It really hit home yesterday. As she lay next to me I could see her breathing was shallow and she was sleeping even more than usual. I called my vet this morning and they got her in. They took x-rays and one of her lungs is pretty much collapsed. It could be a tumor, but we are opting not to do anything invasive; she wouldn't survive it. We had a discussion with the vet. She is still eating and enjoying life, so we are going to take it day to day. It was important to me to get her in today, because tomorrow ...
Read more

Trauma

Maybe it is because I spent years working in hospitals, when I hear the word trauma, I think of severely injured patients-- broken bones, brain bleeds, mangled limbs. You know, kind of like me. But when I went on the hunt to find books to help me understand and work through my trauma, everything I found was related to emotional trauma-- psychological abuse, childhood abandonment. So I decided it was time to find a therapist to help me deal with the physical trauma I had experienced and continued to plague me-- reliving a moment that I wasn't sure how I could recover from, at least not on my own. I have had several therapy sessions, and the interesting thing I have discovered is how those two types of trauma, at least for me, are really the same. As I relive that "accident," I am left with guilt, depression, sadness over a life I once knew, that I feel has been lost. And isn't that, for the most part, what emotional trauma is? I think so. While I don't have a...
Read more

Jiggedy Jig

We are home from spending five days in Cleveland, a trip I had very mixed feelings about taking. While I really wanted to see my cousins, I hate going just about anywhere using the wheelchair. Nothing says disabled, at least to me, than a wheelchair. That, and one pant leg tied in a knot where my knee should be. Countless times a day I shake my head in disbelief. I say WTF more times than should be legal. I hate it. I am obviously not alone in these thoughts because as I have said before, I have been dumped by countless people. I speculate why, but I can't say for sure. You'd have to ask them, because they sure aren't telling me. Which brings me to my Cleveland family. No matter what might be going on with me, they would figure out a way to see me, hang out with me, go out to dinner with me, have great talks with me. I love these people. Jerry and I did decide to stay in a hotel, which certainly made things easier for everyone. We requested an accessible room and actual...
Read more