Are We All Ableist?

As far as weekdays go, Friday is my only unscheduled day, so I thought I'd look through the Towson Y's schedule to see if there was a likely candidate to get me out of the house. I saw there was a late morning yoga class, so I thought I'd head over to the Y to watch it and see if it would work for me.

I ran into a friend of a friend right before, who told me about a knitting group on Friday mornings. I thought great! I can knit for a while and then do yoga.

The class had just begun when I walked in, and the teacher came to the back of the room. I told her I wanted to observe to see if it was right for me, to which she replied, we have chair yoga classes.

That was not what I wanted to hear. I walked in using a cane, so she made assumptions. I stayed to watch the class, and became more angry with each passing minute. I could do just about everything the class was doing. My only need would be chair to help me get off the floor. But I couldn't help think, do I want to attend this class? Am I being judged before I even start?

I stayed until almost the end and then sat in the lobby in the hopes of calming myself down. Driving while angry is never a good look.

As I was getting up to leave I decided to peer into the exercise room, and the teacher was still there with one of the students. Against my better judgement I went in.

She asked me what I thought and I told her the first thing she said to me really affected how I viewed the class. She didn't seem to remember what she said, so I reminded her. She then proceeded to tell me how she teaches people with varying abilities, and I reminded her that she had no ideas what my abilities were, but she made a judgement because I came in with a cane. The conversation further devolved into me crying and I told her I was sick of people judging me when they had no idea of what I could or couldn't do. I told her that no doubt there would be things in the class I either couldn't do or I would adjust those things to make them doable for me. But I said more important, don't look at someone and judge them by what you think you see.

She ultimately apologized, but had to add that in all her years of teaching no one had ever accused her of being ableist.

So was I wrong? Should I have kept my mouth shut? Did I overreact? I'm not sure. And on the drive home I questioned myself, wondering if I had done the same thing to others.

I've only been disabled four years, so perhaps I am still sensitive to what I consider slights or judgement. Maybe someday they may not hit so hard or hurt so much.

I'm still weighing going to the class next week. I know I want to find something to move my body and lift my spirits. I might check out the other nearby Y schedules. If I do go back, I just have to keep in mind who I'm there for. Me.

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