On the Nose

My goddess physical therapist always said, not if, but when, in reference to falling. I know she was right, but of late I have been walking so well with no balance issues. But every now and then, probably due to form, my prosthetic leg gets "stuck," causing me to trip, though I generally can catch myself before I fall.

Not so Friday night. i was in the bedroom, on my way to the bathroom, when my foot got stuck on our beautiful Turkish rug. I was too close to an Asian chest against the wall, and I managed to hit the bridge of my nose full force on it.

Pain and blood. A lot of both. I screamed pretty loud for Jerry, and he was there in a flash. I lay on my back for I'm not sure how long. He worked to comfort and clean me up, and I slowly made my way to the bed. I took a small dose of oxycodone, and with my head slightly elevated, I went to sleep.

The next morning I woke to a very messy pillow. As I tried to get out of bed I realized I had pulled just about every muscle in my residual leg. I used walker to get to the bathroom and got a first look at myself.

Holy crap. A face not even a mother could love. The bruising is spectacular. Both eyes, cheeks, and forehead. I cleaned up as much as I could.

By now the pain had by and large subsided, so I could focus on anger and guilt. WHY had this happened? HOW could I be so clumsy, so careless. Why was I such an idiot.

I spent most of yesterday on the couch, trading stupid and angry back and forth. Every time something like this has happened in the last four years, I trade off on these emotions. The big one being the original incident.

But today, Jerry and I went out to deliver cakes I had made for a community pantry. I used my cane and not my walker. I wore sunglasses. We drove past the Inner Harbor and I saw crowds of people by the Tall Ships and other attractions.

It reminded me that once again, I survived. The bruises will fade,my leg will feel better. I will walk around the house without my cane, and looking in mirror won't be so scary.

It might happen again. Most likely it will. And once again I'll feel angry and stupid. But ultimately grateful. Because I'm still here.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trauma Revisited

A friend told me about a series on Netflix about the four specialized Trauma Units in London, one of which is at King's College Hospital, where I was treated. She wasn't sure if I should watch it, so of course, I did. As I watched there was a little bit of triggering, a tad of envy, and a lot of understanding. The surgeons at these centers are nothing short of amazing. And just like my experience, they all introduced themselves to their patients using their first names. Talk about de-deification! One human,speaking to another, assuring them that they would do everything they could to help that person return to as close to a normal life as possible. Just like me, many of the patients in the series had brain injuries. For me, those patients produced the most PTSD in me. It is hard for me not to wonder what kind of longterm effect my brain bleeds had. My memory is not what it used to be, and at times I struggle to come up with a word. But I'm old, have had more anesthesia ...
Read more

Making Adjustments

In the amputee world, if you are an above-the-knee amputee, you don't call your prosthesis your leg; you call it your knee. It took me a while to figure this out, but in reality, I get it. The world of being an above knee amputee is a world of difference from those who got to keep their knee. Think about it-- your knee, and to a lesser extent, your ankle, are what keeps you walking, running, getting up and sitting down, sitting on the floor, kneeling-- you name it. I was fortunate enough that my prosthetist wrote a killer letter to Medicare to get me a really good knee. It has a microprocessor in it. It is intuitive, and yes, it is adjustable. I generally don't mess with the adjustments except when I'm doing some Pilates exercises so my knee won't bend. That has been incredibly useful. Also, I can put it in a kind of freewheel for cycling. Also useful. But what I had never messed with was the resistance, that is, how "difficult" it is for the knee to bend...
Read more

Too Soon?

Jerry and I are in our hotel room in Paris, having a glass of wine after a day of visiting the Victor Hugo house, having a very late lunch and making a pilgrimage to Babka Zana for cinnamon babka and poppy seed brioche. Every day we increase the number of walked steps, but in the back of my mind I worry, is it enough? We head to Bordeaux tomorrow and I'm really not sure how much walking we will do every day, so I'm concerned. I wish I had had another week with my new foot before the trip. I'm still getting used to its springiness, and if I don't put full weight on it going downhill, my knee will bend too much. I'm still not brave enough going down these inclines without holding on to Jerry. But we are having a lot of fun. We ended up coming to Paris earlier than we had originally planned because of the impending French Air Traffic Controller strike. It was called off, but I'm still glad we didn't take a chance. And while I'm walking pretty well, I f...
Read more