Cabernet and Carboplatin

We are home from spending five days in Cleveland, a trip I had very mixed feelings about taking. While I really wanted to see my cousins, I hate going just about anywhere using the wheelchair. Nothing says disabled, at least to me, than a wheelchair. That, and one pant leg tied in a knot where my knee should be. Countless times a day I shake my head in disbelief. I say WTF more times than should be legal. I hate it. I am obviously not alone in these thoughts because as I have said before, I have been dumped by countless people. I speculate why, but I can't say for sure. You'd have to ask them, because they sure aren't telling me. Which brings me to my Cleveland family. No matter what might be going on with me, they would figure out a way to see me, hang out with me, go out to dinner with me, have great talks with me. I love these people. Jerry and I did decide to stay in a hotel, which certainly made things easier for everyone. We requested an accessible room and actual...

One is making me nauseated; the other is giving me cuddle time. Up at 4:30 am on Friday for 5:30 am surgery time. While I am hardly a morning person I was relieved to have the surgery scheduled early. Let's get this over with. I'm not sure what I had envisioned, but the surgery was certainly complex. Lots of screws, but no plate. I sent a photo of the xray to my surgeon in New York and he thought it looked excellent, which brought me great relief. Of all of my physicians, he is the one I trust the most. Maybe it's his attentiveness, which I realize does not necessarily make a good surgeon, but he did a great job on my OI, and he's at the top-rated ortho hospital in the US, and he treats me with respect and compassion. After a promised morning release time, the hospital let me go at 7 pm. I came home, had a couple bites of Jerry's cheese sandwich, took an oxycodone and closed my eyes. Shortly thereafter Michelle climbed on my chest and started purring. The gentle ...

This whole experience, from the start, has been traumatic. So today, I saw a trauma surgeon. I honestly thought fixing the very small femur fracture would be no big deal. I was wrong. Because it is so close to my osseointegration implant, it's going to be tricky. And with it, is the possibility of another fracture. But really, at this point, if I ever want to walk again, I am moving forward with the surgery. I get a CT scan on Monday, and my surgery is scheduled for December 13. Friday the 13th. Maybe, considering all the bad luck I've had, it will be fortuitous day. Today I begin the prep for Thanksgiving. I had had visions of me bustling around the kitchen on my own two feet, but instead, I will have to rely on Jerry to get things for me and to help me. Neither of us is happy about that. No question he has compassion fatigue. And I have lack of independence angst. What I'd really like to do is get back in bed and watch reruns of the Great British Baking Show. But ...

Yesterday was seven weeks since I fell and broke my femoral neck, which was the day my New York surgeon said I could start wearing my prosthesis and start ambulating. But, the x-ray I had on Tuesday said the fracture was not totally healed, so I wanted to hear from him until I did anything. I messaged him and a couple of Hopkins doctors. The first person I heard back from was his PA, who told me he thought the x-rays looked good but before I did anything else, I should wait until I hear back from my surgeon, who is currently out of the country and so I would not hear from him until the evening. And just like that, I heard from him around 8 pm. He wrote that I could start wearing my prosthesis but only walk minimally, using my walker. I could hardly imagine better news, and I went to sleep happy. Until I put on my prosthesis. It hurt. My hip, where the broken bone was, did not hurt, but my outer thigh, near where my knee would be if I had one, hurt. It felt like muscle pain, and I...

If you follow this blog you know the last week has been kinda shitty. I got bad news as to how many more weeks I have in the wheelchair and Jerry went out of town. The hardest part or this ordeal is loneliness. Day after day in the house by myself is depressing. So, in my own way, I put it out there. And people responded. Steve brought lunch. Zoey came over to help me work on her business. Jan visited. Margaret called. Kathleen did a zoom call. Grace came over. And this evening Mary and Rich invited me over to dinner with some of their friends. And they went all out. They borrowed risers to help them get me up their steps. They put railings on the toilet in the bathroom. They even asked me what I ate. One of their friends has a daughter-in-law with ovarian cancer. it doesn't sound too good. Buy when I was diagnosed it didn't sound good either. So I tried to impart to her not to give up hope. I hope she does better than predicted, but the best advice I could give is to liv...

I had x-rays last week and then a video conference with my New York surgeon on Friday. He says four more weeks non weight-bearing, and then, if x-rays look good, on to the walker, for probably another four weeks. Atleast with the walker I will have more freedom. I will be able to drive and be more independent. Right now I feel trapped. Today was a particularly bad day. I was home all day. The desire to go out is coupled with the desire to not go out while I use a wheelchair. Taking a ride in the car doesn't cut it for me. And I truly hate going places in the wheelchair. The last couple of days I was as low as I can remember being. I had those thoughts that if I had died when the bus hit me Jerry would have moved on with his life, maybe even met someone new by now. He has to do pretty much everything around the house-- laundry, taking care of the cats, a lot of meal prep. He is going away next week, and I really want him to. He will be doing flight instruction in Texas, and h...