Cabernet and Carboplatin

Came with several nights of good sleep and a couple of naps. I am not usually one to take naps, but exhaustion had really taken over. I read an article yesterday from a reputable source that said fatigue is a long-lasting side effect of cancer treatment, and I am still on a drug that has a side effect of fatigue. But it’s hard to remember that when I look just fine, and mostly feel fine. The mental and physical fog has mostly lifted, and I feel so much better. I had actually hoped to get to the gym today, but my energy level is still not great, though I do realize the less I move the longer it will take to feel human. So maybe tomorrow. Today is hanging out with the kitties and playing in the kitchen. And tomorrow will be even better.

A low day. A very low day. While I can think of a lot of things to blame it on, most likely it is due to lack of sleep. For about the past week, the CBD oil that has been so helpful in getting me to relax has done nothing. I am taking a very long time to fall asleep, and I am waking up numerous times a night. And it’s leaving me very cranky. In reality I have had a good week. Nice day at the shelter, acupuncture, biweekly infusion and last night’s support group. We had two new members last night; one who has had a recurrence, the other is in maintenance after her initial diagnosis. It’s a wonderful group of women and I am so comfortable with them. I had some potentially difficult things to talk about, and the advice and compassion I got was helpful and comforting. Jerry has been very busy this week so I have been spending a good bit of time alone, and I am listening to far too much MSNBC. Though I feel as if the news could be taking a turn for the better, but it still gets kind of ...

A friend's mom, who started treatment for ovarian cancer about the same time as I did is in the ICU and will likely not make it to see tomorrow. Another friend has a nephew who was just diagnosed with cancer and she just doesn't know what to say. The short answer is the same for both: I'm sorry. It sucks. My friend whose mom is about to die is on the other side of the country. If I were closer I wouldn't ask what she needed. I would take her something. Or change her sheets. Or take her dog to Starbucks for a puppucino. I did give my other friend some advice. I told her not to say everything will be okay, because really, who knows. I told her not to offer alternative treatment advice unless asked. I also said to stay in touch. If he is napping he will tell you to call back, and he will likely be napping a lot. Send cards. Write emails. They are not close enough for her to visit but writing, calling, really helps. This is stuff I wish I knew before I got sick. I wa...

How could sitting for most of the weekend be so exhausting. Dr. T seemed pretty adamant that Jerry and I attend a retreat with other gynecologic cancer patients and their spouses. When I got the information, it seemed that the retreat was for women who had already had a recurrence, but I figured I'd probably have one eventually, and I was anxious for Jerry to meet other caregivers.  The retreat started Friday evening. The 11 couples introduced ourselves and we talked about what we hoped to get out of the retreat. Jerry and I really had no expectations but my biggest hope was for him to meet and talk to other caregivers. It was a diverse, interesting group. There was a couple in their 30s, and a  husband about to turn 89. While all the women are Hopkins patients, few were local to Baltimore. Several couples came from Virginia; it speaks to Hopkins' reputation. We ate dinner together and started to get to know each other. I was surprised at how many of the women continued to...

I had my first post chemo physical therapy this week. I was initially scheduled with a woman in the cancer building but she is out on extended sick leave so I was switched to someone in the main hospital. I figured that would be fine. This is not my first go at physical therapy. I always joked that I was incredibly healthy, but structurally unsound. Constant sprained ankles as a kid, a bad back, and eight knee surgeries culminating in two replacements. Well, now I'm not so incredibly healthy, so I wanted help to get there. I talked to my oncologist about physical therapy and he thought it was a great idea. We could work on getting back my strength and lessening my neuropathy. So I went in and met my new therapist and he asked me about my goals. I told him I wanted to get stronger,improve my balance,be able to bicycle again and dance. I told him about the neuropathy and he told me he didn't think there was much, if anything, he could do. He then did some testing. Pushing and pu...